The PC - Translation to the Truth

Being the pauper to the princess has been tiring work. It is no wonder that my mind is mush and I am loaded up on Zoloft. I have spent many years trying to figure out what exactly she is saying because some things never add up.

Trying to decipher her words has been as entertaining as getting your asshole waxed. Not that I have "officially" waxed the o-ring, but I am saying it is kinda intriguing and you think it could be a good idea, but in the end would you realize that all that is left is the irritated asshole. That irritated asshole is usually me.

Princess has the best of intentions and if you spend enough time with her you realize that what she says may not be what she means. Although I may not be unveiling a huge secret to some of you out there, I still am very intrigued by this behavior. I have been on the receiving end of some bullshit that spews from her pie hole and once my anger subsided I realized that she was not lying, maybe I did not understand her "language".


For example,


If Princess says "Maybe I will stop by later", she actually means "I have no intention of seeing you later, but you are on my mind". It has nothing to do with not wanting to see you and everything to do with the fact she is thinking about you.


If Princess says "I have errands to run", she actually means "I am doing something I want to hide from you with someone I will hide from you". She is not going to the dry cleaners or to the post office. Most likely she is in another county doing something you may not approve of.


If Princess says "Fuck You", she actually means "You have hurt my feelings and I need some space"


If Princess says "I will come over for dinner", she actually means "I will come over and eat dinner, I will not help you prepare it or help you clean up from it, I will just come to eat it and leave"


As you can see they are not all so bad. It is just the way you perceive the words. Kind of like that Jimi Hendrix song.....you think he says "excuse me while I kiss this guy", but your friends all say that he says "excuse me while I kiss the sky". Neil Diamond had one too. Is it Forever in Blue Jeans or Reverend Blue Jeans? They both sound good, but which one is right? And how much does it really matter? If Jimi wants to kiss a guy and Neil knows a reverend who wears denim is it such a big deal.

"Gonna take more that a few drinks to kiss this guy"

"Dude, I am so hot in my blue jeans"

It took me many years, many tears, and many migraines to figure out that really it does not matter so much to me. In the end it is about how you perceive it. I do know one thing for certain, when she says "To the moon" I know she loves me.