Three Years

Hi Dad.  It is me, Bird.

I just wanted you to know that I think of you all the time.  Just yesterday was a reminder of how it all ended and it makes me so sad.  September 10, 2007 was the worst day of my life.  It was not suppose to hurt so much because I thought I made some peace with everything, but I was wrong.  See I can admit when I am wrong, it just doesn't happen as much as you thought it would.

Things have been alright with me.  Just living day to day.  Some days are better than others.  Some days I look in the mirror and see you staring back at me through our blue eyes and it makes me feel like you are with me.  I know you are with me.  I can feel you or hear you.  I see something that you made or something you would of liked.  Even a joke makes me smile with your memory.  I listen to Johnny Cash and think of all the times you would sit up listening to his songs.  After you left we made Drew a play list of all his greatest hits and today he knows all the words by heart.  Johnny Cash reminds him of his Pop Pop, it reminds us all of you.  Drew is already 8 years old.  You would get a kick out of him.  He is witty and smart.  I know you would be proud of him, I know how much you loved him.  Audriannah is beautiful, her blond hair and blue eyes are like a tribute to you.  I hope you see them together, they are close and get along so well.  As for the rest of us, well, we get along.  Our pain is seldom discussed, but we all know that the other is still hurting.

I hate that I never got to tell you all the things I really meant to say.  I know that you knew them, it just seems that if I could of told you how you really meant to me, maybe then I would not still be so mad that you are gone.  I know this is how you always planned it, and that was never a secret.  You were brave and lived the life you wanted.  And I am glad that you did.  It was the last lesson that you taught me. 

I just miss you being such a pain in the ass, I miss worrying about you, I miss you sitting at the counter, I miss you having some stupid project that made mom have to drive all over to buy parts for, I miss the 10 minute project that takes 2 years, I miss sitting in bed with you just talking or finishing your word finds,  I just miss you.

So I guess I get the last word this time........I love you more.

Bird