In another life, I must have know Edgar Allan Poe.

How can you feel alone in a room full of people?  I am not sure, but I know I feel it.

If I feel alone, am I actually alone?  I know that there is a difference between feeling alone and being alone. 

Being alone is the time you give to free yourself from everyday distractions, it is time to regenerate our mind and body, it is time to reflect on out thoughts.

Feeling alone is so much different.  Feeling alone spurs a sense of emptiness and depression, it feeds on our self doubt and makes mountains out of molehills, it causes us to doubt everything we once knew as the truth.

I try to think of the things that cause me to feel disconnected.  I know some of it is me, its how I am and how I will always be.  It could be guilt or unresolved anger.  Could it be my trust issues rearing its ugly head?  Is there some skeleton I do not know about wanting to come and play?  Is it vulnerability, have I left my heart on my sleeve too long?

I want to feel connected.  I want to matter as much as others matter to me.  I want to walk with my head up high and my heart full.  I want these things without risking what I have left.

Alone

by Edgar Allan Poe, 1830

From childhood's hour I have not been

As others were; I have not seen

As others saw; I could not bring

My passions from a common spring.

From the same source I have not taken

My sorrow; I could not awaken

My heart to joy at the same tone;

And all I loved, I loved alone.

Then–in my childhood, in the dawn

Of a most stormy life–was drawn

From every depth of good and ill

The mystery which binds me still:

From the torrent, or the fountain,

From the red cliff of the mountain,

From the sun that round me rolled

In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky

As it passed me flying by,

From the thunder and the storm,

And the cloud that took the form

(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.

Authors Note:
My posts have been kind of depressing lately and for that I am sorry.  I promise to get to the laughs real soon.  And if you are concerned, do not be.  I am here and blogging and that my friends is progress. ---Black Swan