I heard the bell ring and I believe.

On Christmas Eve, many years ago I lay quietly in my bed. I did not rustle the sheets. I breathed slowly and silently. I was listening for a sound I was afraid I’d never hear. The ringing bells of Santa’s sleigh. - The Polar Express

There comes a time when we all are faced with a decision.  Sometimes we must choose between right and wrong, to forgive and forget, and high road and low road.  The choices we make are not always easy and sometimes they are not the right ones.  To make a decision and act upon it is a risk no matter the circumstances.

I have been in the center of a bad situation with my family for the past 6 months and it has been difficult to deal with.  Not that I expect that life would always be easy, I know it is hard, it is a lesson I have learned far too many times.   

When family turns against one another it becomes a war that forces sides to be chosen even if it is not the right thing to do.  Sometimes, when you do not choose a side your avoidance translates to others that a side was chosen.  When nothing is said and emotions are high everything begins to blur and become cloudy.  And over time you start to forget the reason why you are angry because the hurt you carry begins to consume you.

What is the right thing to do?  I have asked myself that question so many times.  I always prided myself on doing the right thing or what I thought was the right thing until finally I realized that the right thing to do was to surrender.  Giving up was not losing, but was actually winning.  

After six long months of battle I raised my white flag and conceded.  Not because it was the right thing to do or was because I felt that I was taking the high road.  Only because the fight was no longer important and what was really important was quickly slipping through my fingers.  Tired and bruised from the fight I was losing the one thing that was originally fighting for...... my family.

I found myself in a kitchen with someone who had been very important to me for a long time talking about every battle that was fought and I realized that the battles were not of any importance.  

It did not matter who fired the first shot or who won that round, all that mattered was that I was standing in this kitchen and having a conversation that was changing me.  Every reason and every grudge disappeared and the only thing I had was hope and I believed that it was enough to fix everything.

So this Christmas I believe.  I believe that sometimes you come out stronger after the battle.  I believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder.  I believe in miracles.  I believe that my family is an amazing group of people who I have collected throughout the years.  I believe that these people are the most precious gift I have ever been given.  

I believe in all these things because I can still hear the bell ringing and I have hope.

I want to wish each and everyone of my readers a Merry Christmas.  

At one time, most of my friends could hear the bell. But as years passed, it fell silent for all of them. Even Sarah found, one Christmas, that she could no longer hear it’s sweet sound. Though I have grown old, the bell still rings for me. As it does for all who truly believe.  - The Polar Express